Being Stood Up

Over the years I’ve had my fair share of being “stood up”.  A couple of time it’s been by men who were supposed to meet me for dates, but in all honesty it’s when a dear girlfriend stands me up that I am the most sad.  Since moving to Washington I have struggled to make good friends.  People move at light speed here and often don’t have time for others.  Over the last few months I have put much more effort into making connections with women in order to establish strong female friendships.  I’m had mixed results.

Today I’m heartbroken.

I have a friend that I met several years ago through the local YMCA.  We don’t do a lot together, but I went to her house for their annual Christmas Eve cocktail party.  We decided afterwards that we needed to find time to catch-up one on one.  She suggested coffee at our local Starbucks today at 10am.

I texted her this morning at 850am to make sure we are still on…no response.  I texted her at 10am to let her know I would be 10 minutes late.  In my gut, before I sent the first text, I knew what was going to happen.  I showed up at 1010am and she wasn’t there.  It’s now just after 11am and she still isn’t here and still has not responded to my text.  (Don’t worry…I know she isn’t going to show…I’m not completely naive.  But I did have other work to do…I brought my laptop because I really  KNEW before I even left the house.)

In other circumstances I might be concerned that something is wrong, but unfortunately this is not the first time she has stood me up.

During my multiple knee surgeries she has said many times her and her boys would come walk the dogs (even setting dates/times) and she never showed up for those either.

Eventually, she is going to remember that we were meeting and I’ll probably get a text, email, or voicemail stating something to the respect of “I was doing XXX with the boys/family/husband and I completely forgot….and, my cell phone was in the car/not charged…”  I’ve heard it all before.

This particular friend is the worst offender, but I have other friends who can’t do things on the weekends because of their guilt of spending too much time at work and away from their kids and/or husband.

I doubt I’m the only single person to battle this problem.  It’s not like I don’t understand that having kids and/or a husband is a commitment that needs to be nurtured.  But, I do often wonder if wives/mothers understand that friendships also need to be nurtured.  Or, maybe during the rituals of marriage/childbirth that knowledge is left behind.

Are you married?  Do you have kids?  if so, do you still make time for your friends?

A Bit of Humor To Lighten This Post

Once I got stood up for a brunch date.  It was to be our first date and since we had met online I didn’t have his phone number.  I had an email address, but it was before Smartphones.

I just KNEW he would be late because our date was scheduled for Spring Day Light Savings.  Yep…huge mistake.  I set my clocks forward and he didn’t.  Since I suspected that was the problem I stuck around (normally I would never wait an hour for a man to show up).  He arrived, but instead of apologizing profusely he just laughed it off.  Ok…maybe I’m a bit more serious than the average person, but here is a word of advice to any men that might read this.  If a woman waits an hour for you to show up, make sure she knows without a doubt how sorry you are.  It’s the least you can do.

As for that date, it was quick and we never talked/emailed again.



  1. […] when I mentioned “disappointment avoidance” in my post Asking For Help or in my post Being Stood Up when I had an expectation that my friend would show up even though I knew in my heart that she […]

  2. […] did have one huge surprise.  A friend that has disappointed me in the past showed up and shocked me.  It was incredible to see her and I was so […]

Let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: