Having moved away from family in 1998, I’ve spent many Christmas’s alone. I’ve also spent many Christmas’s
with other people and their families. And, that brings me to what is worse than spending Christmas alone…yep, spending it with other people’s families.
I’ll be the first to acknowledge that this may not be the case for everyone. I know lots of people that do “it” successfully. I’ve even done “it” successfully in the past. But, it can also cause a me to spiral into an abyss of loneliness. It’s the kind of loneliness that has nothing to do with the number of people around me; it’s the kind that feels like I’m not where I want to be. It’s the kind of loneliness that makes me miss every single person in my family…even my sister. 😉
I’m guessing the fact that I’m still on crutches and wearing a brace after having knee surgery November 5th doesn’t help. And because of that, there is not a single Christmas decoration in my house.
So, what does 2012’s Christmas have in store for me?
I will be going to a friend’s house on Christmas Eve for a cocktail party. I’ve decided to go because I’ve been a couple of times before and so there is some level of comfort. And, I don’t think it’s healthy for me to sequester myself completely from reality this time of year. For Christmas Day, I’ve decided to hit Starbucks in the morning. I might hang out there for a bit and use their WIFI. The rest of the day is unplanned, but I suspect it will be a lot of “normal” stuff. My house could use a serious cleaning, I have some computer work to do, and I have a professional certification exam that I need to study for. Or, I might just stay in my pajamas and watch a movie.
I’d say this pretty much sums up how it feels to “live on the perimeter” during Christmas. I don’t know how many other people feel the same way. I do know that all of my conversations so far have gone like this:
Friend: “What are you doing for Christmas?”
Me: “My dogs and I will be hanging out, maybe watching a movie, and most likely eating fast food.”
Friend: “Oh, I’m so sorry. ” or “If I was going to be in town, you could come over and spend Christmas with us.”
Me…I’ll take the…I’m sorry…and, skip the…invite.
I don’t want to make it sound like I’m typically this anti-social. In fact, I’m the type of person who can find someone to chat with when put in a situation in which I know no one. I just don’t want to spend Christmas flexing my social muscle.
The photo is of my Dad and his grandsons (my sister’s boys) taken in 2000. It was the last Christmas in the house I grew up in and the last time I went home to Alaska for Christmas (although I have spent Christmas in California, Arizona, and Mexico with my family since then).
What do you think? Have you ever spent Christmas alone? Or, would you rather accept a random invite?