Asking For Help

Being single means I have no shortage of times when I need help for one thing or another.  The big problem…I HATE ASKING FOR HELP.  I know some people think I don’t ask for help because I don’t want to appear “weak”.  That is not the case at all.  Don’t get me wrong…I have other irrational reasons.

Disappointment Avoidance

Is probably the single biggest reason I don’t like asking for help.  I can’t help myself…I have expectations of others (but that’s a story for another day).  On the rare occasion that I do muster up the strength to ask for help, I am sometimes disappointed by the answer.  There are plenty of times that my amazing family and friends step up and for those times I am extremely grateful.  But, the few times that I get disappointed affect me so much that I find it easier to just do it myself (or hire someone).

For instance, while on crutches I asked one of my guy friends to change my windshield wipers for me.  My friend eagerly said “yes”.  Three weeks later, and now off my crutches, the windshield wipers have still not been replaced.  Guess what I’ll be doing this afternoon.

Unsolicited Offers

It is no surprise to everyone that knows me that I’m single and don’t have family around.  Yet when people know I have a large project, usually no one offers to help.  Every now and then, it would be nice to have an unsolicited offer to help.  I’m certain this is not intentional.  I think it has to do with them being so wound up in their own lives they don’t recognize that help is needed.

And yes, I do frequently offer help to my friends even when not asked to do so.

Timing Inconvenience

Often it’s just not feasible to ask for help because it’s needed “right here and now”.

I Can Afford Help

Ultimately it comes down to this…I can afford to hire help in most cases.  It wasn’t always the case.  But now that it is, the reasons for not asking for help are calmed a bit.

  • Expectations are not an issue because I’m a paying customer.
  • Disappointment is not an issue because it’s not personal; it’s a business transaction.
  • Timing is not an issue because I can hire someone when I need them.


I love hearing other perspectives.  What about you?  Do you ask for help?  If not, why not?  Do you offer to help someone else even when they haven’t asked?


One comment

  1. […] times already on this blog, like when I mentioned “disappointment avoidance” in my post Asking For Help or in my post Being Stood Up when I had an expectation that my friend would show up even though I […]

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