I struggle with my weight.  I’m in pretty good shape, but have a ways to go to reach my ideal weight.  I want to get to my ideal weight (and fitness) bad, really bad.  I’ve always felt if I wanted something bad enough I could make it happen.  I’ve proven this to myself before…even with my weight.  Last time I was headed towards my goal weight it was almost “easy” (not in the way that most people think of easy).  It was “easy” because I focused and every decision I made was in my best interest.  I wasn’t perfect, but being focused helped a lot.

Later some of the weight came back.  It was partially due to three knee surgeries in three years, but some of the blame is mine to own.  I gave up; I felt defeated.  I convinced myself that when I had to give up running there was no other way to keep the weight off.  It crept on slowly.  I ignored it.  I got to the point that I stopped wanting to be in photos even when I was doing something amazing…like having travel adventures.

Lately I’ve been trying to recapture my focus.  I had it for a couple of months.  I’m down to a comfortable weight now and no longer hide from the camera (at least sometimes).  But, I still have weight to loose and I’m frustrated with myself.  I was on course to be at my goal weight by the start of my upcoming vacation, but now that goal seems completely unattainable.  Don’t get me wrong…I will have the time of my life on this trip and worrying about my weight will not get in the way.

The question/thought I struggle with is “how do I want this bad enough to actually make it happen?”  I know it can happen; it has before.  For me it’s like a light switch with a faulty dimmer.  It’s either on or it’s not and if I’m lucky sometimes the dimmer is working and I can be “good, but not perfect”.  Right now the dimmer is working, but I worry that it will stop working again and the light switch will get turned off.

I need to find a way to make sure the light switch stays on.

Do you struggle with “wanting something bad enough”?  How do you cope?