I assume that if I think/feel a certain way that’s it’s unlikely I’m alone in that thought/feeling. “Driving away” is something I don’t talk about with anyone, but I’ve decided “why not air one of my deepest secrets here…in this very public forum” to test my theory that I’m not alone in this thought.
There are days when I feel down…really down. Like no matter how much I try I will never get ahead. Fortunately this is only once or twice a year. If I happen to be in my car when I hit the bottom of the pit, I start day-dreaming about “driving away”. There is a freedom of wandering aimlessly in my car with my two furry kids of course. Sometimes I get farther than others.
Recently I stayed within the city limits. Another time, several years ago, I drove over 300 miles. The reasons I turn around are different every time. Sometimes I turn around because I’ve forgotten why I was driving…distracted by the day-dream of “driving away” from it all. But, most frequently, I think about my parents. My mom would be absolutely devastated. We are close…best friends. I’m uncertain about how my dad will feel (he keeps his feelings to himself most of the time), but I know he’d worry. I never turn around because of my friends. I suspect some would miss me, but I have few really close friendships. I believe they would all move on shortly after my disappearance.
The point is, I ALWAYS turn around and go back home. Life is complicated and sometimes it’s so bad that “driving away” seems like the only viable option, but I’ve found that just knowing I have the option to “drive away” is usually enough to calm me. However, knowing this now does not mean I’ll remember it the next time I decide I should “drive away” from it all.
How about you? Do you ever dream of “driving away” from it all? Do you always return? Or, are you still “driving”?